Private message to Auri
Feb. 20th, 2015 04:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alt_antoninThe prospect of Friday nights is much less interesting now that we no longer have our standing appointment, you know. There are entirely too few people who are willing to sit and talk about everything under the sun with me. And I've been forced to find my own copies of American Witches. (Have you read the latest? ...have I read the latest? I've lost track. I am current through Spring Break. At least they've backed off trying to make them say Important Things about what's going on here at Hogwarts. And at least they've added someone to the stable; if I had to read another book written by Miss Dangling-Participle, I'd've dropped in to the publisher to have words.)
If you have access to a bookstore, meanwhile, Benjamin Brickett has a new one out. Can't remember the title offhand, but it's about the development of writing. I get interrupted every time I get more than two pages in, but it's up to his usual standard so far.
I've been thinking about what you last said to me, you know, in the midst of putting pieces together. Two years' worth of pieces, and then some. I have no proof, of course, but Snape's identifying himself as a member of the Order was enough to let me put quite a few things together; I know you, and I know Poppy, and I know what you scruple at and what you will not put up with.
Does Narcissa know her son is still alive? Because if she doesn't, that is incredibly cruel of you. You have a week to find some way of telling me that she does that will satisfy your people in charge and their security measures, before I take care of it myself.
(I dislike ultimatums. They're messy, and they leave so little room for negotiation. But continuing to allow a mother to mourn her son as dead is the point at which ultimatums become necessary.)
As for the rest of what I've been putting together ... well. As I said, I've been thinking about what you last said to me, but в до́ме пове́шенного не говоря́т о верёвке. They're only suspicions, after all.
Give Miss L my best. And the other whose location I think you know.
If you have access to a bookstore, meanwhile, Benjamin Brickett has a new one out. Can't remember the title offhand, but it's about the development of writing. I get interrupted every time I get more than two pages in, but it's up to his usual standard so far.
I've been thinking about what you last said to me, you know, in the midst of putting pieces together. Two years' worth of pieces, and then some. I have no proof, of course, but Snape's identifying himself as a member of the Order was enough to let me put quite a few things together; I know you, and I know Poppy, and I know what you scruple at and what you will not put up with.
Does Narcissa know her son is still alive? Because if she doesn't, that is incredibly cruel of you. You have a week to find some way of telling me that she does that will satisfy your people in charge and their security measures, before I take care of it myself.
(I dislike ultimatums. They're messy, and they leave so little room for negotiation. But continuing to allow a mother to mourn her son as dead is the point at which ultimatums become necessary.)
As for the rest of what I've been putting together ... well. As I said, I've been thinking about what you last said to me, but в до́ме пове́шенного не говоря́т о верёвке. They're only suspicions, after all.
Give Miss L my best. And the other whose location I think you know.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-20 10:03 pm (UTC)The first few days after the entire unpleasant mess, I was convinced it had all been a plot from the beginning -- your work with the YPL, your relationship with Raz, your befriending me, everything. That was anger talking, though, not the rational mind. I am willing to credit you now with more ability to dissemble than I had before, but not that much.
Still. How much of what I've said to you have you repeated?
I suppose I ought to assume it's been everything; that would be the rational assumption. I'm sure you've assumed the same. I wonder if my assumptions are as inaccurate.
Order Only
Date: 2015-02-21 10:41 am (UTC)I hope Alice agrees I can send something. So you at least know I'm here and listening. That we weren't cruel to Narcissa. Not like that. (And there's Lucius, and I wish you knew he's safe, that we did what He wouldn't.)
It took me so much longer than other people to realise how broken things are, for everyone. Not until after Raz. Until it was personal. I'm ashamed of that. Ashamed to be here with everyone's who've been doing such hard and important things for so much longer.
I miss my life being simple, just the stars and the teaching and safe distance from anything dangerous, only it was always dangerous, I just didn't see.
You were never a plot, nor Raz. Honest friendship, honest love. It'd be easier if it weren't, if I could set you aside. But I can't, and so you and Raz are hanging there in the middle of every conversation, how loyalty isn't simple, friendship isn't simple, family isn't simple, and it matters anyway. People are kind here, far kinder than I have any right to expect, but - I miss my friends. Including you.
There's a few bright stars. Evelyn. So many days when the reason I get out of bed is teaching her. How she's clever and hard-working and loves her studies, but she's caring, and wants so much to help. Thank you for saving her. I'm more and more sure you did. And I can't tell you that either.
(And then I think of Lana, and once I've gotten through a round of hating her for having everything I wanted and will never have
and I don't even know where to start with Rod, I get to wishing you had a better apprentice, someone who'd care for you, not just look out for herself. One more way the world's broken.)Cedric's working himself to pieces, and I don't know how to make him stop (because it's not like I don't do the same thing) but he's here and he's safe. And Poppy - Poppy's doing so much good here, everywhere, we could do with a dozen healers, but I know how hard it must be at school, without her. Without someone reliable.
I miss Pomona