I am not sleeping. I tried, but every time I closed my eyes...
You're right, of course. (When have you not been?) These past few weeks -- but am I viewing our past through rose colored glasses? I look back and think of the days when we were His hands, loyal and obedient, united as one behind the vision He articulated so clearly, and I remember finding family, finding brotherhood, finding you, and Lyoushka, and Raz and Rod, and Bella, and Stephen, and Ari, and Evan, and.…
But those worthies are not all to have born His mark, are they? He has had always been a master at looking within the hearts and minds of men, and finding the greatness that lies within, but am I only seeing the moments in which He made those stunning moments of looking-through, and forgetting the choices He made that did not work out so readily? We've been asking ourselves this past fortnight what He could have been thinking, in elevating so many who were so unworthy or who had not yet proven their readiness, but have we simply forgot those decisions He made in years before, that we have been struggling to work around for so long?
I suppose it is poetic justice, that He should be undone by one He chose to elevate, upon His whim and without having been proven.
I do not know what might become of us. I do know that I will not allow what we have made, what we have bought, what we have bled for and died for, to fall apart. This achievement is ours, no matter that He should not see what might happen after His demise. With all the breath remaining to me, I will not permit the forces of decay to prevail.
I am somehow not surprised that He should not have made arrangements for what would happen after His death. I cannot imagine He was willing to entertain the possibility that He too might be mortal. And given what I have seen of Him in the past year, I am not surprised that He should care little for those of us left behind. He has been so preoccupied that He had forgot loyalty ought run in both directions
I am not making sense. Well, the world does not make sense at the moment, so why should I be any different?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: Private Message to Barty
Date: 2013-05-29 10:52 am (UTC)You're right, of course. (When have you not been?) These past few weeks -- but am I viewing our past through rose colored glasses? I look back and think of the days when we were His hands, loyal and obedient, united as one behind the vision He articulated so clearly, and I remember finding family, finding brotherhood, finding you, and Lyoushka, and Raz and Rod, and Bella, and Stephen, and Ari, and Evan, and.…
But those worthies are not all to have born His mark, are they? He
hashad always been a master at looking within the hearts and minds of men, and finding the greatness that lies within, but am I only seeing the moments in which He made those stunning moments of looking-through, and forgetting the choices He made that did not work out so readily? We've been asking ourselves this past fortnight what He could have been thinking, in elevating so many who were so unworthy or who had not yet proven their readiness, but have we simply forgot those decisions He made in years before, that we have been struggling to work around for so long?I suppose it is poetic justice, that He should be undone by one He chose to elevate, upon His whim and without having been proven.
I do not know what might become of us. I do know that I will not allow what we have made, what we have bought, what we have bled for and died for, to fall apart. This achievement is ours, no matter that He should not see what might happen after His demise. With all the breath remaining to me, I will not permit the forces of decay to prevail.
I am somehow not surprised that He should not have made arrangements for what would happen after His death. I cannot imagine He was willing to entertain the possibility that He too might be mortal.
And given what I have seen of Him in the past year, I am not surprised that He should care little for those of us left behind. He has been so preoccupied that He had forgot loyalty ought run in both directionsI am not making sense. Well, the world does not make sense at the moment, so why should I be any different?
Come soon. I ought be saved from my melancholy.